Rust {Erik Lehnsherr/ Reader}

Charles pulls you aside after the President makes his address, saying that he needs to talk to you about something.

“I’m worried about Erik,” he starts and you nod in understanding, you have been worried about your lover too. Charles only suspects that he means to kill Shaw whereas you know that he will, and you are ever so scared about what that will do to him.

You reassure Charles, telling him that you will speak to Erik and that is how you find yourself outside Erik’s room, trying to convince yourself to enter. And when you do, you lack the courage to bring up the topic which is foremost in your mind.

Your lover greets you with a kiss but he seems preoccupied and you decide that there is no need to talk to him of your fears now- if you simply sit by him and read, maybe the evening will pass like any other. Your plan does not work for too long for you have overestimated both your ability to hide your feelings from Erik and the extent of his distraction.

“What’s wrong ____? You’ve hardly turned a page all evening,” he murmurs and you realize that of course he would notice, you have never been much good at pretense of any sort, especially when it involves him. You sit up with a sigh, moving away from him in order to turn and face him. You set the book aside and take his hands in both of yours, holding his gaze.

“I know you plan to kill Shaw,” you whisper and his brow furrows at your words, he looks as if he is about to speak but you rush on without giving him the chance, “I’m not going to ask you not to do it- I know what he’s done to you. Hell, I’d kill him myself if you didn’t, but, I worry.”

He nods a little, encouraging you to continue because he can tell that this is not all.

“I have this terrible feeling, that something’s going to go wrong tomorrow… and I’m scared of what’s going to happen. I feel as if I’m losing you Erik, and I can’t stand it,” you finish, you haven’t spelled everything out but you know that he understands what it is that you fear most- that he will kill Shaw only to become him.

He stares at you in silence for a few moments that feel like an eternity before gently removing his hands from yours and reaching up to tuck a stray bit of hair behind your ear, the movement turns into him cupping your face and pulling you in to press his lips to yours. It is a fleeting kiss and all too soon, he pulls away, but his right hand remains on your cheek even as his left drops into your lap to take your hand. There is some dark emotion in his eyes as he holds your gaze, his thumb rubbing circles on to your cheekbone.

You think you know what he is going to say and the very thought is unpleasant enough to cut through your heart like lightning for it is the realization that Erik is not who you had hoped he was.
“You know I cannot stay. This mission of Charles’s- you know I don’t believe in it,” he admits finally, his words heavy with reluctance.

You pull your hands out of his grasp, jerking away from him as you try to process his words- a hard task despite the constant unease of the past few days that has been warning you that something of this sort is coming.

“This is home, we were building a life. Does none of that matter to you?” you ask him, surprising yourself by remaining calm, at least on the surface. One last chance, and oh, how you hope that he will take it.

“____, I…” he trails off uncomfortably, reaching for you again but you shrink away from him, standing in an attempt to put more distance between you and him.

“I’m being selfish, aren’t I?” you murmur, blinking away your tears, “I do apologize for that. And I will be leaving now.”

He seems taken aback by your abrupt turnaround and you take advantage of his confusion to march over to the door, intent on leaving the room before you say something that you will regret. The handle refuses to budge and you feel a sharp flare of anger that grows rapidly as you realize that he is the one doing this.

“Please don’t leave me,” he whispers, holding your gaze when you whip around to face him and there is more weakness in his expression now that you have ever seen him display before. You, however, are past the point of caring.

“Let me go, Erik,” you demand in a low hiss as you advance towards him.

“No. Not until you tell me why you are doing this.” He stands, matching your angry stance, hands clenching into fists.

“I will not stand by your side while you go on some crusade against all of humanity. That is not who I am,” you start out sounding loud and angry but your voice breaks and you fall silent, gathering the courage to keep going. “I am proud of who I am right now Erik, you helped me realize that, and I cannot let you change me now. I love you,” you pause, breathing hard, “but I cannot be with you.”

You watch for his reaction with widened eyes and experience something that feels very much like loss as he deflates in front of you.

“You don’t mean that,” he sounds broken, and you realize that this is him begging. You almost give in but steel yourself instead, finding some hidden well of strength.

“Yes, I do. And if you ever loved me- you will let me go now.” It pains you to be hurting him but you are far more worried about what will happen if you stay with him, if you support him even in this. No, your heartbreak—and his—will be worth it if he feels even the smallest amount of doubt regarding his chosen path.

“I did love you. I do, even now, more than-” the look of derision that springs on your face at the claim he is about to make is enough to halt him in his tracks and you are glad for it because you cannot bear it if even these words are a lie. Because you would not be here in this moment if he did love you more than anything.

He sighs in defeat and you hear the lock click open behind you: he is the one watching you now, waiting for you to turn your back on him, to leave him.

You don’t. It takes only a few steps to reach him and then you are leaning up on the very tips on your toes and your hands find his as you press a kiss to his forehead.

“Goodbye Erik. I hope you find peace,” you tell him and then you drop his hands and do what he has been waiting for you to do.

There is a part of you that still expects him to stop you but you exit the room without further incident and it is only after you barricade yourself in your own bedroom and slump to the floor, sobbing, that you understand that he has already realized the thing which you are still struggling with. You and Erik will see each other again, but today—the confrontation and your farewell—had been the end of something, things between the two of you are never going to be the same again.